turn me inside out I'v been there
a life that no one wants
I can't wait till this feeling goes away
the pain and stress
don't call me crazy
you have been there too
we are not allowed to run
or scream
this world is crule
we have no voice
not all questions are answered
we have nothing
but we do at least
have something
each other
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Okay, so, spell check is your friend, and it's even a free added option when you go to post. Just a first thought.
Second thought: Why should I, as the reader, care? Yes, I've had crazy days, and the world is stressful and all that... But I don't need a poem to tell me that. Your poem doesn't accurately express the feeling, so it leaves the reader wanting more out of it. Poets should be able to take everyday emotions and transform them into words that reach past the reader's eyes and twist their souls into recognition. This just sounded like a livejournal rant to me.
Work on being unique.
I would probably scrap the first stanza, mostly because it talks too much about "I" and not enough about the subject matter. So the poem officially starts at the second stanza.
Besides the spelling error ("crule" should be "cruel") I think this is the strongest part of the poem.
Expand on this a bit more. This is a little blunt, too blunt and yet too vague to be poetic. So ask yourself, who has no voice? What questions are being asked and unanswered? And what sort of nothing do you have?
You have just contradicted yourself. It's either nothing or something, no in betweens. Expand on this too. Who is we? And I would probably write it as:
But at least we have
Each other
Or SOMETHING like that.
Anyway, hope that helps!
I would sudgest that you add a pattern or rhyming scheme, that way it would seem less random, which to me it seemed just like you could read it as you would a story...if that makes any sense.
Another thing that I noticed is that you kind of contradicted yourself when you said
"we are not allowed to run
or scream
this world is crule
we have no voice
not all questions are answered
we have nothing"
and then you go on to say:
"but we do at least
have something
each other"
I liked the first stanza when you said "Don't call me crazy you have been there too." It makes me as a reader want to read it more when you seem like you are speaking to me.
You might want to check out this article: Poetry & Punctuation.
Another thing, its common to capitalize the first letter of the first word in each new line.
The poem itself self isn't too bad, but I think once you punctuate it I would understand it more. I don't think the topic is very new though, There are a lot of these kinds of poems around.
I'm guessing you are new to poetry? I suggest that, if you are new, you read as much poetry as you can. Look around here, there are some good poets here too. Anyway, read all the poetry you can find, it'll help you. Look at how they create patterns, and structures, how they rhyme or if they don't rhyme at all.
If you have any questions, you can pm me.